I came from grandparents who took their chances with death rather than live a life and raise a family in a Russia turning communist.   In 1917 my mother’s father, Boris Britan, was shot in the back during a pogrom.   The bullet pierced one lung.   Strapped to a sleigh by his brother Dave and pulled by a team of horses, my grandfather made a 60 mile trip to the town of Zhitomer to be treated by a doctor that his brother knew.

My grandfather Boris met my grandmother Rose in 1905.   He was age sixteen and she eleven.   They courted for nearly 13 years before they were wed on 18 October, 1918.   My grandmother was a gorgeous strawberry blonde with crystal blue eyes.   He was tall, dark and handsome . . . considering 5′6" is tall for our family.   In the winter of 1920 after having to bury their first child, Rose and Boris received news that their travel visas to the United States were available.   By spring of 1921, traveling by night in a horse and buggy and sleeping by day hidden away in barns, the family crossed the Russian Terrains into a free Poland.   The travel was complicated by the fact that Rose was now pregnant and within a short period of time after arriving in Poland, Rose gave birth to my Aunt Esther.   Esther’s birth added obstacles to their travels as she did not possess a travel visa.   After 4 additional months in Poland sorting out the financial and visa issues, the family continued on to Liverpool, England where they boarded the S.S. Caronia on the 8th of October, 1921, and set sail for Ellis Island.   When my grandmother passed away at age 88, my grandparents had been married 64 years and had loved and appreciated each other for 78 years.   My grandfather continued on until age 96.   It was with a sound body but a broken heart.

I tell you all this because it was my grandparents struggle and their hopes to provide their children with better lives that make me who I am today.   They are my history.   I am living proof of their strength and their struggles.   My parents are my source of strength as are my grandparents.   Not a day goes by or a situation comes my way that I don’t thank them all for their fortitude, courage and resilience.   It is their story that is the book yet to be written, the movie yet to be filmed and the opera yet to be sung.   It is their story that gives me my story.

On Monday, November 26th Charlie and I flew to Chicago.   That evening we were privileged to see Christine Brewer in her Lyric Opera debut, singing the part of Die Frau in Strauss’ Opera Die Frau Ohne Schatten, The Woman without a Shadow.   The music was incredibly challenging and artfully voiced by Christine to her most admiring audience.   Afterwards, we were among the advantaged few to go backstage and visit with Christine for a short period of time.   Charlie and I have known Christine for almost as long as we have known each other.   If you don’t get to hear Christine in Chicago, you can follow her to Paris where she will continue her performance in Die Frau as Die Frau.

Losing my psyche in the total atmosphere of the evening and caught up in the magic of the music, four words sung, caught my attention and my total spirit.   These four words illuminated high above the stage, mingled with operatic voices and filled the house.   The Empress was willing to die as her husband was unfortunately being turned to stone by her father for no other reason than they had been married for a year and had failed to produce an heir.   She had three days to produce a "shadow" or she was to return home and the Emperor was to become a landing site for pigeons.   Rather than let her husband die alone, she wanted her father to take her life, for she would rather not live in a world without her one true love.   She was not afraid to die.   With the world caving in around them and death approaching, her strength and fortitude was energized by the words . . . I Am Not Afraid, "Ich Fürchte Mich Nicht".   She sang those words to the audience. She sang those words to the gods.   She sang those words to me.   Those four words lifted me up, gave me strength and I knew their consciousness.   I Am Not Afraid said it all for me.   My grandparents were not afraid, the Empress was not afraid and I am not afraid.   My present journey is a steady path with bumps in the road.   I can overcome the bumps knowing that my history was full of bumps and my future depends upon it.   It is the bumps in the road that makes us individuals.   You have the choice to be afraid of the bumps and stop in your tracks, drive into the bumps and get trapped or forge ahead by making the bumps bend and change for you.

We left New York last night, yet we have to return again in one week for another doctor’s appointment. We have had some ups and downs recently, but the bottom line is that my scans now look good and I can forge straight ahead. I am on a good path. My next scans are scheduled for the second week in January and I should have the results by the end of that week.

This letter, like the others preceding can be found on my website www.randyford.net under the category of "Cancer through Words". We are constantly updating and improving the site and adding new photographs of us. More baby photos and traveling photos are on their way as are better photos of some of the paintings.

Best wishes to all for a very happy holiday season and Fürchte dich nicht, Don’t Be Afraid.

With love,

Randy and Charlie